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Sunday, June 14, 2009

U people who reads this shall be my witness.

THIS IS SO GONNA BE MY LAST SAD ENTRY.

Any other time after this whenever i feel sad, i won't
blog. i miss my happy happy cheerful gila2 entries in
my previous blog. it shows how happy i am.. that was,
last year.

To start it off, countdown this year was already so
sucky, so cibai like that. so the starting of the year was
so bad. adding on to that alot of stupid barbarians come
and go early this year. i meet new friends, some stayed,
some go away.

Like happening, but not so happening. in relationship wise,
alot of changes, which i have not come to terms
with, yet. 90% of my sadness is actually because of
this la. r'ship. i hated love 2 years ago, cause personally
i think guys are hypocrites, their ego sucks big time like
fuck. girls and guys. they actually don't match each
other. generally, based on what i experienced, guys took
advantage on girls while girls tried to understand his needs.
yes, both sexes or rather each individual has their own
thinking. but for them to cooperate, its like getting them
to jump down a 100th storey building. get the drift?

My boifren. he has a very matured thinking. we used to
be very cooperative and solve problems together and sit
down for hours to talk blablabla. i dunno what is
wrong. im frustrated myself. like i said in my previous
entry, i am changed. i can sit at home now, i dont rebel to
my parents, even to him.

For a person like me, once i change, i can be very (note: VERY)
weak. emotionally, physically. cause i used to be someone
very defiant, i have no respect to anyone at all seriously,
i disagree to anyone who prevents me from
doing things i want, my temper is forever 100% boiling.
He told me not to do this, not to do that, i did. though
when he first asked me not to, i will argue3 with him. but
i will do as his wish, eventually la. what else he want la !!
sedih sey i labu.

I see some changes when i'm with danny, i remembered
him as someone who brought me to the right path in life.
then when i broke up with him, about a year later i found
my baby. with him, his patience made me plant my
desire to really change, which i did. BUT. little did i know,
when i change, he did to. i dunno if that was just a
coincidence, but it really slaps me hard.

His, wasn't a good change to me. he was too ignorant
to me. in a good way maybe that was his way of giving
me freedom. but for me, i hate it.
ignorance means malas nak layan. for me, i changed
for your sake and ofcourse for myself la, but the least
you can do is to appreciate it and SHOW. everybody
knows how i hate secretive pple or pple who prefer
to hide their emotions. they're very irritating people.
why must you hide in life?? what do you get??

Honestly, i am not a good liar. even to the police or
what, if i did wrong, and i was caught, i admit and tell
the truth. then i kena worst la. hahaha stupid i know,
but end of the day im happy i was punished cause i was
wrong. hah. oh well. unless i have to lie, else i won't even
bother to. or if i did, i will confess after that. i dont
feel good hiding or lying to pple, moreover those
whom im close with and i love them. haish.

I dunola friends, i just felt sick. and im tired of
everything that is happening. everyday is unhappiness
for me this few days/months. i hate his changes,
i feel unappreciative, i feel im not needed. and worst,
sometimes i think im a touch-and-go girl too. i never
had that impression on my precious babyboi. never.
only nowadays, when he really got on my nerves.

Whenever we fight, like everyday now, his replies
will always be, "sorry" "sembarang la" "okie" "i dunola"
THATS ALL !! can u imagine, there i am trying hard to
settle, that is all that you can say baby?? ape tak geram
aku. dulu, he will reply me long messages, even if
there's those four phrases, along with it will be
encouraging, head over heels words that will ATLEAST
ease my frustrations, anger, mind.

AHHH, aku tak paham la !! & then he will say i ruined
his day with his friends. (!!!!!!!!!) WTH k. barangkali
if only you're a little concern over ME, i won't even
bother to disturb you every hour. i DID cause I WASN'T
HAPPY WITH YOU. -_______-

I hate guys. bunch of idiots. make my life miserable. cb !!
enuff said. i need counselling, anyone?? or i wanna go
find a nice hobby. tangkap ants, lets go !

OH, and i thank YOU (whoever who is reading THIS)
for reading till this point. cause whatever i typed up there
don't even concern you right, but atleast you BOTHERED
to read, you're atleast CONCERNED over me. you
must be a girl right? cause a guy won't bother to read
this kinda thing. (!!!!!!!!) k fine, no offence la, this was
supposed to be a vent-my-whatever-emotions entry !!

Md nury humaidy,
I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!
but i will still love you la, abeh !!
Arghhh. amikkauuuuuu besar2 !! aku geraaaam !!

-_____________________-

♥ 1:52 AM