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Thursday, April 23, 2009

I sad you know.

My baby's mood depends on mine. we had this misunderstanding, which i am unsure myself whether we resolved it alrdy or not. i always don't mean to do what i did, but its just the attitude IN ME. we've talked about this many many times la. aku ni kalau happy, i'm all smiles and hyper. but if i'm not, ah mampos i make sure everyone else will be unhappy just like me. my baby hates it like sooo alot. i want to change, prob is, HOW TO ?!

Okay so we had a short meetup just now at woodlands. one look at his face, i knew he's not in the mood. i ignored la. we went for lunch, jalan2, he's still so cold towards me. i can't figure out what wrong i did before that. i don't like it when he acts in that manner, cause i'll feel so boring like i'm out all alone like that. but what to do la, i follow the game. so throughout, we'll only talk when there's something to ask. like...

Me: I nak gi Watsons.
Him: Watsons patne?
Me: Bawah.

K dah, thats it. after that we'll keep quiet all along. senang cakap, it is sooo not us today ! me and Berd, by right we're very playful you know. mulut non stop hits bbual, laugh like hell, we can even run around sampai langgar2 orang. i feel so awkward when we're so quiet, macam ada orang mati gitukan. i was disturbed la, so i pester him to tell me whats wrong, then he got irritated, then we kept quiet from each other again. haha !!

But eh, after we walk-walk-walk beside each other quietly for sometime, my baby suddenly got his mood back. (????) I very confused you know. slowly i realised, he's back to his normal self. we laugh2, joke2, run around. but then on my way home i think back, so why is he so moody when we met ??

At home i msn-ed with him, suddenly he angry, then he lost his mood again. (????????) i knew him well, i ignored la. after some time he told me everything. we talked things la, kinda. and it comes back to square one, my attitude. oh my. i've blogged before, i'd rather be hurt and sad than him. now, i knew he's sad that i didn't change even when we talked about this countless of times before. but again, how to ?! it's been in me for years, it's much worst before. hey, like seriouslyyyyyyyyy i do want to change, i just don't know how. i can't like control whenever my mind goes wild when im angry, or when i want him to follow my mood. yes selfish yada yada, argh, i sedih la. cause i never want to be like this, i never want to make my baby feel so stressed up cause he can't do what he want. and yes, he always did what i told him to. if to you is a good sign, to me its not. cause what i ask him NOT to do is what he wants to do, vice-versa. aww, my poor baby.. :(

Haiyerrr. you know sometimes i just feel like going to IMH to diagnose what is actually wrong with me. yes, that bad. i act on an impulse, and i fucking hate it.

Alah, i penat already laa. pegi balik problem pasal attitude aku !! macam nak tikam je lah !!
Tikam perangai aku la, boleh gitu?

K bye.
i sayang baby i. awww.

♥ 2:35 AM